1. Share your name, age, and identity. Share a picture of yourself.
Hi friends! I'm Kate. I'm 29 years old, and I identify as a queer cis-female demi-sexual (although I'm currently in a het relationship). I'm an artist (photographer, miniaturist, writer, "illustrator"), an animal lover, a total nerd, a gamer, and an environmentalist. Here's a picture of me that I like, with my cat:
Haha, I should have known from an earlier age than I did. Firstly, my demi-sexuality. I never truly understood celebrity crushes; I made up a couple to seem normal to my friends. It turns out I'm attracted to personality. I used to get crushes on book characters, movie characters, etc., but if that actor wasn't that character anymore, it just fell apart. Despite me still talking about actors the way you're "supposed" to, I still am attached to the character, not the actor/actress (there's one exception, and that's Michael J Fox. I don't even know). But really, my demi-sexuality is much less important than figuring out that I was attracted to people other than boys. I think on a lower level, I knew from the time I hit puberty, and thinking about boys sexually would make me feel nervous and icky.
When I was 16, I completely fell for one of my female friends in high school. Hilariously, after I broke up with her and dated a few girls without success, I tried to date some dudes to prove to my trans friend that I could date them as a dude. It turned out, I didn't hate men, I just had a weird, irrational fear that I've never completely understood. Trust me, I still like girls too; men just became not so terrifying, if I got to know them well first. And then I realized- while I would always be physically attracted to women, I actually was open to liking anyone. ...and that is my long story of my sexual identity, and why I just say "Queer". Because it is way easier.
3. Who was your first (real-life) crush?
Probably the boy that I punched in the face in sixth grade. I was scrappy. My first lady crush was a girl named Ariel at camp- I used to offer to carry her everywhere, because she thought it was fun. I look back at how painfully obvious it was, and if the counselors laughed.
4. Who was your first celebrity crush?
Oops, I answered this already! It was Michael J. Fox, for a number of reasons. My first hard core lady crush was Jessica Alba. Sin City. That's all I need to say.
5. Are you out? How did you come out?
I try to be as out as I need to be, partly for other people in the community. I had the weird experience of coming out twice- once as gay, and once as "bi" (which I later changed to Queer, but by that point in my life I was over announcing things). When I came out as a lesbian, everyone was very accepting. When I came out as bi, almost everyone turned on me. I got a lot of "how could you" bullshit, "you're a bad lesbian", "should have known you were a LUG". All of it hurt, especially when the only "nice" people were in the straight community for a little while (even when I expressed interest or dated a woman). Take from that what you will. The LGBTQ community has gotten way better, but there are still groups out there who won't talk to you if you're not a gold star gay.
I mentioned how I came out a bit in my "how old was I" answer, but here goes: I came out as a lesbian when I started dating my high school crush. It got around school instantly, as we didn't try to hide it. We went to an arts high school, where it was even somewhat trendy to be gay (really). It might have been one of the most painless coming out experiences that you could have in 2004. I'm aware how I lucky I am, I truly wish everyone could have an experience close to that.
Nowadays, having a 6'1, manly boyfriend doesn't imply anything about my sexuality other than I'm straight (which I'm not). It's weird having people assume that I'm heterosexual, but it doesn't really matter because I love him. My identity is something we understand in our relationship, and that's what really counts.
6. Who was the first person you came out to?
Three of my close friends, though two of them at the same time. They sighed in relief; for years, they thought I had been sexually abused by someone (since I acted really weird around dudes). The other was the best friend of my first girlfriend. She was very supportive, and definitely helped us get together. I guess my first girlfriend also counts.... Yes, I told those three friends about liking her, but she was the person who helped me discover that liking other girls was okay. She really helped make my identity me, and I owe her a lot for that.
7. Share something about your family.
I'm an only child. My parents had me a bit later in life, so growing up I was pretty surrounded by adults. Even my extended family is pretty small; two of my cousins are also only children. My Dad was super accepting when I first told him in HS. My mother was just mortified because she thought she would never have grandchildren; as time went on, she was okay too. She was never super comfortable, but she has arrived at the point where she can make jokes, and that's good enough for me.